Tag: advice

Focus on the positive

Focus on the positive

It’s the thirtieth day of November 2017, which means this is the final entry of my 30 by 30 posts. I’d like to finish off by pulling together everything I’ve discussed into one summative sentence. Here goes. Focus on the positive. Mind blown? Focus on […]

Start saving sooner

Start saving sooner

Most of my 30 by 30 posts have concentrated on spiritual growth and wellbeing. As we come to the end of November, I’d like to shift focus onto more material considerations. I want to underline a tenet I wish I’d realised when I was younger: […]

Avoiding bitchiness

Avoiding bitchiness

Today’s 30 by 30 post is akin to the article I wrote on being forthright instead of complaining. This post is focusing on avoiding bitchiness.

Much like having a good moan, being bitchy is a habit we can all very quickly fall into. Occasionally it begins as a small complaint. “Can you believe so-and-so did this to me?” Or “Have you heard how so-and-so did that yesterday and got away with it?” The problem is that we often don’t stop at the latest bit of controversy. We move on to previous failings or misdemeanours. The whole thing snowballs.

And ultimately, what is the result?

In the end, we’re actually just adding to bitterness, negativity and conflict (how many times have bitchy comments been passed on, much to our embarrassment?).

If this all sounds seriously preachy, then be reassured: I have been as much of a sinner in bitchiness as anyone.

Why do it?

Bitchiness can feel good at the time. It releases some tension quickly. Slating someone else behind their back can also contribute to a sense of community – after all, you have to be bitching to someone who feels the same way about your target.

However, both are serious mistakes. Firstly, while the tension may be let loose, it’s definitely not the best way to do so. Instead, take a break. Get some space or, better yet, some exercise. Use some time to calm and analyse your thoughts and feelings. Always remember each human is usually trying their best to get by in life, not being malicious. Conflicts and upset are generally down to miscommunication. Things might not have gone your way, or even the other person’s, but it’s the path they thought best at the time.

In addition, the sense of belonging and understanding through a mutual bitch session is a fallacy. If someone is bitching with you, do you think they might be capable of bitching about you too? From personal experience, being on both ends, the answer is yes.

So what’s the point?

There isn’t one really. Just avoid bitchiness. Keep your negative thoughts to yourself and focus on the other person’s positives. We all make mistakes, but more significantly, we all have strengths and virtues.

I intend from now on to forgive and then to forgo the bitchy comments. I want to think others are thanking and praising me, not ripping me to shreds; and I shall endeavour to raise others up in person and in spirit.

Friendships change

Friendships change

By the age of 30, no doubt you’ll have experienced disagreements with friends. You’ll more than likely have lost contact with several, either passively or aggressively. It’s something which used to upset me deeply. Now I’ve realised it’s natural. Friendships change. Back and forth We […]

Don’t complain be forthright

Don’t complain be forthright

I’m afraid to say that I can complain. I’m capable of moaning a lot. It’s safe to say many of us fall into this trap. How about not complaining. Instead, be forthright. This uncomplicated shift in mentality moves us from negativity to positivity. We drop […]

Forget the rules of romance

Forget the rules of romance

February may be a while away yet – we have Christmas to revel in still – but here’s a thought on relationships for you. I think we need to forget the rules of romance.

You know the rules I mean. “Treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen.” “Don’t be the first to say the L word.” “Wait n weeks or months before suggesting making things official, moving in together or proposing marriage.”

Forget all that. Those are the games we play when we’re not actually interested in romance.

When you truly do fancy or love someone, then there’s no point fooling around or wasting time. Life is short enough as it is. Heaven knows it has enough ups and downs already. Grasp the opportunities to enjoy every moment and move forward.

If you want to make things official sooner, discuss the situation with your significant other.

If you miss them when they’re not around and think about them first thing in the morning and last thing at night, broach the subject of moving in together.

If you love someone, tell them.

Do things when they feel right to you. It’s all part of following your own path, seeing each second as a new beginning and taking a chance. Love is amazing – so make the most of it.

Nanan and grandad Gelder

Be grateful every day

Be grateful every day

It’s Thanksgiving Day in the USA today. What a fantastic idea for a national holiday. A day that embraces the concept of showing gratitude for everything you possess and all the help received. Then again, every moment is a new opportunity to show gratitude. We […]

Take a chance

Take a chance

Our confidence generally grows with age. I’ve always remembered my sister once telling me that from the age of 30, you tend to stop caring so much what others think. The greatness of this is that it becomes easier to take a chance. I’d strongly […]

Considerate and kind

Considerate and kind

Some people are naturally more considerate and kind than others. That doesn’t mean we can’t all develop these characteristics however. We become how we act.

Why focus on these two attributes, at the age of thirty?

Simple. In my eyes, consideration and kindness are the two most helpful and most memorable traits.

I had a young apprentice colleague when I still worked at the Renal unit in my local hospital. Let me tell you now, she was a pleasure to deal with and a dream to listen to on the reception desk. She was so pleasant to employees and patients alike. For all I knew, she may not have been the hardest worker, the most efficient, the most intelligent. It doesn’t matter in the long run. I still think of this apprentice when I think of personable and helpful individuals.

I try to employ these characteristics in my own dealings every day. When I worked in the hospital, answering calls, I aimed to remain pleasant-sounding and compassionate with everyone. Unless, of course, an angry and unreasonably rude person went on. Then you have to hold your own.

It’s the same when out and about. If the restaurant is busy and the waitress is taking her time to get to you, stay calm. Be friendly. You might just make her shift a little better.

Similarly, next time you speak with a telephone call centre and are irate because of the waiting time, don’t hold it against the worker who answers. It’s the system that fails, not the lower end employees. That worker will have heard problems all day, as well as countless frustrated and impolite clients. Why add yourself to that list?

I suppose we could say these traits link to the idiom “treat others as you wish to be treated yourself”. Undoubtedly we all like to be warmly received and left gratefully. This is a feeling relevant to others.

Love is two souls walking one path

Love is two souls walking one path

Today’s 30 by 30 post is pretty self-explanatory! I’ve come to realise that any form of love is two souls walking one path. It refers to your other half, but can also relate to your family, or even to your closest friends. This idea has […]